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[25 Jun 2007|01:05am]
I'm so bored that I'm actually kinda updating! I'm tired and could probably go to bed right now but I've been feeling lame going to bed around midnight every night for the past couple of weeks. So I've decided to stay up for a little bit longer and try to entertain myself. It's not really working =\ I remember the days where I could spend all day online and not be bored. Wow. Looking back, I can't believe I did that =\ haha

Working two jobs really takes the fun right out of you. I feel tired 98% of the time which makes me feel boring. Just a bad combo really.

Ugh, I really can't wait to move back to GR. Things were just always better there. Why oh why did I ever move to Kzoo???
The only verdict is vengeance

[26 Oct 2006|07:29pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

They say Mr. Pibb + Red Vines = crazy delicious but Dr. Pepper + swiss cake rolls = magical sugar haven. Which in my opinion is much better w/e

The month of October no longer likes due to the fact that I have been screwed over this month like a bajillion times =\ Well fine, two can play at this game :p HA!

Other than October trying to kill me, life has been pretty low key. Work is slowing down a bit more each weekend. I really need to find an actual job in kzoo. Next Wednesday seens like a good day for that, now I just need to remember to do it then haha but! since the crappy plasma donation center in kzoo didn't want me I scheduled an appointment for good old BioLife in GR. Seemed logical since I go up there all the time anyway. Might as well get some money while I'm at it. Wonder if any of the same people work there now from when I used to go. God, it's been almost a year since I last went! Oh the days of donating...... such memories lol

I really should be hungry right now. I'm not. My appetite has been crazy all this week. From nothing, nothing, nothing, to ohmygod hungry last night and now back to nothing. Don't know if I should actually be alarmed or not. I'll give it a few more days and see what happens though anything that happens this weekend I cannot account for due to working. And it seems I'm always hungry when I'm around food that long haha

I do hope that work this weekend goes by fast so I can see Scott again hopefully on Sunday night after I get out of work. So addicted and impatient, bad combo I know lol Everything seems to be going wonderfully though =D *sigh* hehe

Stephanie Yates was randomly in our parking lot earlier. Okay, not so randomly seeing how she was dropping off a coat for one of her friends, but we lured her into our apartment for a while seeing how she never has been here before. All in all, it was a nice random visit. Made plans for crab ragoons soon, perhaps later tonight? *hint,hint,cough,wink,wink* haha Wish more people would just randomly show up.

Halloween is on Tuesday and that means it's almost November. I don't think I'm going to do anything for Halloween this year though. I could go to a party after work on Saturday but that would involve driving back Saturday night, and this weekend i was actually thinking of staying in South Haven this whole weekend for once just so I could save gas, because I need to. But I never party anymore. And I would hate to go and not really know anyone there. Sure I'm friends with a bunch of people that would probably be there but sometimes you just want that comfort person there too? I don't know, I'm speaking crazy Ann talk again. Perhaps I'll see if Megan, Elise, or Paul are going.... Or maybe I can drag Stef along and we can throw together a costume for her ;) Doubt it but it's worth a try! that way we will both be out of the house for once lol

I thankfully do have a costume. Bought it basically just for work, but if I come straight from work, no effort to change into something then.... But it was decided last weekend that since we wear all black anyway, that we should dress up like kitties. Makes sense and I bought something that only cost me $4, Suh-weet! haha I was trying it all on yesterday in preperation of Saturday morning so I would know what the hell I was going to do, and I must say I, I looked pretty damn cute =D *me-ow* haha So it's not the most original idea, or the greatest looking but it's something.

Oh! Since Stefanie just reminded me again that the last post here has been over a month ago, one minor little thing has change. I'm no longer single, haven't been for a little over a month now. I am completly happy and in love with Scott so hooray for that =D

But back to my ramlings..... thank god it is almost the weekend though. I'm going to leave a little bit earlier tomorrow and stop by my parents house so I can start my massive amount of laundry. So thankful that they don't mind me doing laundry. I can't really afford to do it here plus getting quarters is a bitch. So I'm going to do literally everything I own. Another reason I am debating whether or not to stay Saturday. I'll figure it out. But now it's time for Everwood followed by Girlmore Girls! Tonight will be a roomie night, I can tell all ready haha yay for those =D

The only verdict is vengeance

[15 Sep 2006|01:25am]
was the one you always dreamed of
You were the one I tried to draw
How dare you say it's nothing to me
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw

I'll make the most of all the sadness
You'll be a bitch because you can
You try to hit me just hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty
Because you can't understand
3 Vendettas // The only verdict is vengeance

[13 Sep 2006|11:39pm]
It's happening again. Nothing can stop it and I don't like to think that I just need to let it run it's course. I would like to blame it happening due to the chaning of seaons but I know it's not. So what brings it on then if not it being seasonal and I certainly don't welcome it?

One of life's mysteries that are never to be solved I guess. Strangely, I'm just so used to this by now, I think maybe a part of me has given up the fight. At this moment too many things have too little meaning which I know is not the case. So much confusion! I'm restless again and I don't think there is anything left to satisfy my need.

I wish just things would go my way for once. That this empty feeling is just temporary or my imagination. I know that my friends and family care about me but it just seems like it isn't enough. There is never enough in life.

I'm crying and I'm not sure entirely why.

If you asked, I couldn't give you an answer. Maybe someday someone will have an answer for me.
The only verdict is vengeance

[12 Sep 2006|06:26pm]
[ mood | confused and baffled ]

Hmmmm. I'm not sure what is going on anymore. Hmmmmm. Perhaps I'm just assuming a few things at the moment. Oh the possibilities! lol

Life you are very baffling and amusing at times.

That's alright because John Mayer makes everything okay again =D

2 Vendettas // The only verdict is vengeance

[07 Sep 2006|07:36pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

John Mayer and Jessica Simpson? HELL NO!!!!!

crazy crazy John........

The only verdict is vengeance

[07 Sep 2006|12:35pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Some important information:

¤ I am officially all moved into my new apartment with Stef =D
¤ School is boring z_z
¤ From hitting my head on the edge of a cabinet door yesterday, I now have a scab on my scalp >_<
¤ I no longer have crabs!
¤ Stephanie recently has acquired crabs.....

1 Vendetta // The only verdict is vengeance

[24 Aug 2006|05:48pm]
Thanks for NOTHING.
4 Vendettas // The only verdict is vengeance

[22 Aug 2006|01:34am]
[ mood | cynical ]

My birthday is two days away and I can't help but to feel that another wasted year has gone by. I don't have very many expectations from life, people. Time so far has taught me to not hope for too much. Friends, family, life in general is the constant reminder of why not to. Will this be the year that things in my life finally click? I worry all that it won't be, that the best has all ready come. The pro's just don't out weigh the con's anymore. They haven't for a while. That's my little secret for you.

And as I sit here I wonder if the few things that I have are really worth the fight? So much of my life is one sided and I know I'm partly to blame for that, but why isn't the rest where it belongs? Why is everyone else free to go while I'm still stuck here?

So many questions that have no answers. More than a year later I am still waiting for my suprise though I'm not sure life has any left to offer me.

The only verdict is vengeance

No giving up here [07 Aug 2006|11:32pm]
[ mood | bitchy, tired, but excited ]

So much time has passed by, I can hardly believe it. In three weeks I move to Kalamazoo. I have so much anxiety about this fall. I think I need to practice my juggling skills soon.

Work is driving me crazy. I think it'll be heaven the one day I will finally find a place where I don't feel like quitting at the end of the week. Nights like tonight I just want to give up and not care but for some reason I can't? Never really thought of my self as the persevering kind but maybe I am..... I had planned on staying at the Bistro atleast through September, maybe even October, just on weekends, but now I'm reconsidering. Tomorrow I'm job hunting with Stefanie in K-zoo so I guess I'll make a decision on how tomorrow turns out.

I feel very broke right now. I just paid my tuition for the fall and I have barely anything left in my account. My next check will be nice and big though with over time on it ^_^ hehe

Next week I'm getting my hair done. An early birthday treat for me =D Hmmm, that makes me think. What will I do for my birthday this year? Eh, I'll think of something.

Ack! I just thought of something that I need for this fall that I haven't gotten yet. A trash can! Ah! And to think I had overlooked something as important as that.

My brother has just informed me that the gas line in Alaska is shutting down tomorrow for repairs and warned me that gas might jump up $1. I hope to God it doesn't. I'm getting gas tonight regardless.

I love getting new music so HUGE kudos to Megan "Most Unforgettable Megan in the World" Bui for sending me Keane and The Cloud Room. YAY! =D

The only verdict is vengeance

[25 Jul 2006|03:57pm]
The only verdict is vengeance

[02 Jul 2006|10:06am]
[ mood | giddy ]

See ya everyone! I'm on my way to Europe ♥

The only verdict is vengeance

[28 Jun 2006|04:23pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

So I leave on Sunday. I am oh so very excited. =D I talked to Lyn today and told her that on Monday she needed to go to Munich and that I would be there. lol She didn't understand at first because she asked how can I be there if I'm not there haha She is also very excited. I get to see my Lynie again! =D

Last night was a blast. Hung out with Meg and Jeff. I think that they are the only couple I can hang out with and NOT feel like a third wheel. I was a bad influence on them because they are on a diet. So for dinner we went out to Chilis and then later after some disscusion we made chocolate covered twinkies. lmao Sounds horrible I know, but not half bad. Something I def do not want to eat every day though. Maybe everyonce in a great while. We never did get around to trying a frozen one though. Hrm. haha There is half a box of twinkies in Meg's apartment left over. I don't know how long this diet thing of thiers is going to last, but I'm sure the twinkies can hold out that long lol

1 Vendetta // The only verdict is vengeance

[20 Jun 2006|01:43am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

laa la la la laaa la

Europe is much fun. I enjoy traveling there very much. My mother took pity on me and is taking me along with her and my dad. I leave in two weeks =D I'll only be gone for about a week but it's better than nothing. I get to see Lyn and Jean again! I get to eat lots of food, walk around tons, and not gain a pound doing so. I get to drink my orange flavored Volvic water again! yayness all around! =D

Oohhh, I don't know when I get there my parents will have already gone to Prague, but if they haven't I get to possibly meet up with deux seeing how we are only 45 min away!!!! =D haha I ♥ European Rendezvous!

That is probably the most exciting thing in my life right now and this was just confirmed today. Work is making me very anti-social =\ Not from the work aspect, but just dealing with stuck-up, crabby customers. I used to think I was a people person! haha guess not?


2 Vendettas // The only verdict is vengeance

[24 May 2006|05:37pm]
[ mood | chipper ]


I am currently on my, yes, my computer. Two of my brothers are moving out by monday and there will be room for my computer again! hooray! I've missed it so much. Is that sad or what? lol I've gotten used to such a huge monitor now though. I think for my birthday I'm going to see if I can get a few upgrades like a new video card and possibly a new motherboard. We will see. I have been actually thinking about getting a laptop. But I think it'll be a while before we think too much more about it.

Sad news, well for me anyway. I don't think I'll be able to afford to travel to Europe this summer with my parents =( I miss it so. Though I don't think I'll be able to stay away for long. I will be back sometime in the near future. I can just tell ;)

Oh! My play is going fantastic so far. Opening weekend was last weekend and Patricia and James drove down to see me! =D made me one happy girl, I can tell you that haha Two more shows and then bye bye! I miss the acting world. And now, when I finally feel comfortable with it. OH well, I'll make time for it again someday =D

well off to a brush up rehearsal. Untill next time =)

The only verdict is vengeance

[10 Apr 2006|12:49am]
Take what you wish of me, for I deserve nothing in return.
The only verdict is vengeance

I can only answer questions with more questions [10 Apr 2006|12:02am]
I cried for the first time last night in what feels like ages. The thoughts that raced through my head where the normal loneliness, anger, fear, confusion. What scared me the most was the over whelming presense of another thought. I can't deny that it was a stanger to the clutter of my mind, but the repeated number of times it popped up is what was different. For a few moments I was at ease with the comfort it seemed to bring me. But before long I realized I was too strong(or weak in some peoples eyes) for this.

Slowly my life is moving forward again but my state of mind isn't on the same track like I hoped. It's stuck in neutral, and I wish that it would be possible that someone could help out but I know that if someone did try they would just be wasting their time. I'm not even sure myself how to get out of this rut though I do know that only I can. I'm holding myself back for reasons unknown. I'm destined to fail, isn't that what the stars read? Torn between so many things, most of which I do not understand.

I'm harboring so many old feelings. Reasons you will never understand though you say you do. The words carry empty meaning though I will smile and pretend that they do, just for the sake of making you more at ease. Sometimes the truth isn't worth the risk people take.

If I could, I would go back in time to laugh in my face. I am my worst enemy.
The only verdict is vengeance

[27 Mar 2006|01:00am]
[ mood | bleh ]

I want to be insanely irresponsible right now. I'm getting back around $700 from my taxes and I want to just randomly go to London for a few days. What I should do is just put it in the bank and 'forget' about it. And in the end that's what I'm going to do. I need to get this out of my system, that's what I need to do lol But only for $450 I can go..... Ahhhh! Must stop thinking about it.

Friday was the highlight of the week. Woke up early to meet up with Patricia. After much deliberating, we decided to eat at Red Robin where Rachelle was our server! Fun times there lmao The bottom of the cube song........ afterwards we went off to wal-mart to get our ears pierced. Up to three holes on each side for me! I don't think anyone in my family has noticed yet so that's good lmao By then it was time for Patricia to leave me =( Rachelle and I then met up since she got out of work early that day. We eventually got around to seeing the high school musical production of Bye, Bye, Birdie which was wonderful! Everyone in the show was superb. Truely funny. I saw so many people there! The usual alumni, Tamra, Emily from my old church who was there with Tamra strangly enough haha Saw quite a few more people from my old church. Mr. Avery was excited to see me again which was odd but I've known him forever it seems, seeing how he also went to my old church. Gah, I think I know too many people haha Afterwards Rachelle and me tracked down Joely and Rick to say congrats. Then a huge group went out to SnS for a bit where I saw a girl I used to work with again there haha I had just seen her there last week. Got verbally abused by Jesse. You know the usual routine. Kyle then invited Rachelle, Peter Bombara(sp?), and me to his house to hang out for a bit longer. Ended up playing Mario Cart for game cube with a cardboard cut out of Legolas as our audience haha I must say, I'm much better at that game on Super Nintendo but we all worked together to beat Kyle =p fun times but long day!

The rest of the week was okay. The visitation and funeral for my great-grandpa were beautiful. Job hunting continues tomorrow but I'm hoping that I can score a spot at The Vineyard downtown now that they are open again for the season.......

Tomorrow is a new day.

The only verdict is vengeance

[23 Mar 2006|03:28am]
[ mood | frustrated ]

I want to scream right now but I don't think it would do any good.

The only verdict is vengeance

[21 Mar 2006|07:24pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

I cooked. Yes, you read that correctly. I cooked. =D Okay so it was only a meatloaf(turkeyloaf actually) and a pasta salad but I had to chop up a TON of things for the loaf so yeah, that qualifys. I just finished eating actually and it was very yummy. Half of my family is missing so there is tons of leftovers but that just means yummy food for tomorrow! heh

Not really looking forward to the next couple of days. My great-grandpa died on Sunday and the visitations are tomorrow and the funeral on Thursday. =\ It's funny, I just saw him and my great-grandma a week or two ago when it's only during Christmas that I really see them.......


1 Vendetta // The only verdict is vengeance

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